If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize