Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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