I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
