Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
