so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
