Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
