I wish my penis had an off switch
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
