She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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