im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
