Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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