Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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