I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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