and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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