When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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