I just threw up on my dentist
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
