I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
