ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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