I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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