Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
