i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize