I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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