I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
