Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
honey bunches of taint.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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