I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
