i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
