Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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