I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
