i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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