If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
