piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
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The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
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It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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