Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
