you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
