I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
