I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
