Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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