im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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