That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
