i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
