I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
