Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i dont even know how to be here
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
