apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
