Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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