So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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