It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
