he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
