I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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