you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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