once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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