I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
