I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
