Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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