i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
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I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
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Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?