I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The struggles of a small town man whore
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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