I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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