maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
