Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
