I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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