he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
