ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
