I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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