Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
