OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
